i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
