i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
