he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
