Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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