I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
