Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
