If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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