My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
