plz talk dirty to me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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