i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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