That's intense
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
