god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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