boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
