His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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