it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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