So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Randomize
