Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
