You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
