sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
