This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
