Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
