If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
