The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
