Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
