I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
be right there i have to get my cape
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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