i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
