After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
