I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
