Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
