can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
