Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
