well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
