remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
