I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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