I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
