new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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