He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
