I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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