you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
