I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
