i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
