Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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