I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
