I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
