i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
