I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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