Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
