I wish I could punch you in the face.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
