he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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