1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
