I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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