your parents love me but you hate me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
