Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
