My first STD was from a foam party
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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