go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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