ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
