I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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