I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
