I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
